A Goodbye to 2018

I have found that 2018 has been collectively a rough year for everyone I’ve talked to and it goes the same for me. I think 2018 has been the year of big milestone events as well as big challenges. When I close my eyes and reflect upon the year I feel cold and tired. I remember the headaches following days of not sleeping. I remember the moments of coincidental and incredible bad luck! But there are flares of light that peek through for sure. I can say while 2018 was a time of tribulations, it was a time where my relationships and personal life have shone bright.

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2018 IN REVIEW:

I’ve completed 75% of things, which to me isn’t bad! I usually keep my goals attainable and loose so that I don’t psychologically feel like a failure, but I do try to keep them challenging. I also like to write them, post it online and tell people just to keep myself accountable and obligated.

  1. ✓ DO WORK YOU LIKE + LIKE TO SELL- COMPLETE: this comes from only producing work and even selling work just from class assignments. While I did like some things i’ve produced, a lot of the time they can’t help but be conformed to a certain class or prof’s interest. And I didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t making enough (or liking) personal work.

  2. ✓ APPLY TO MORE ART SHOWS+TABLING EVENTS This wasn’t hard to beat because my first art show/tabling event in 2017 was also my one and only. In 2018 I’ve had group shows from school like HOMEWORK at Artscape, GRAD-EX (at OCADU) for my graduating show, 103B which my friends threw together, Canzine, a variety of holiday markets…! I get a rush adding things to my artist CV LOL.

  3. ✓ SUBMIT TO MORE CONTESTS, AWARDS, CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: Another one I got to complete out of default for not having done so in the past. Do I wish I applied to more? Absolutely, especially as a student! Did I win any awards or contests, no! But this is another one I want to take with me for 2019. It never hurts to try and apply for these things.

  4. SET UP AN ONLINE STORE- I’ve forgiven myself for not completing this one for 2018. For 2018 I focused on making work. I didn’t accept that I’ve been producing enough until I’ve heard people say it to me on different occasions. Whatever work for sale I have created, I would put towards tabling events. Now that those are over, I’m leaving left-over stock to the online shop and making more for it this 2019!

  5. ✓ READ MORE BOOKS: This was something I wanted to do more of because I missed the old me who would sit in the living room couch or even bring a book to dinner (and be told to stop) and read for hours! It used to take me 3 days to week to finish something but my adult life finds that hard. I usually invest in art books, short stories/anthologies, poetry collections and graphic novels because they’re easy to digest with the time I have. Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis is probably the only novel I’ve liked enough to finish in its entirety.

  6. ✓TRAVEL MORE: This year was full of it! I spent a month an a half travelling to the Philippines with my family, a week in New York with my friends as a post-grad trip and then a week in the little town on Elora, Ontario with my partner. Growing up, I don’t travel minus school trips and the obligatory Philippines family trip that gets to happen every 5-6 years.

  7. GET MY DRIVER’S LICENSE: I got my G1 in the summer after high school and approaching Uni, and I still couldn’t bring myself to complete anything past that. Using the card as just a form of I.D. To be honest, i’m not in a rush to drive (nor do I want to). But it is useful to learn so that I can if I have to. But this one will take me a lot to get around to doing.

  8. MAKE MORE FOOD, EAT OUT LESS. EAT BETTER! Technically, I do cook more meals and have learned to make things with some great success. My partner and I love getting to grocery shop and cook meals when we get to see each other (we live in different cities during the school year)! But in the rest of the calendar year I don’t make legit meals and I eat out a lot!!

  9. ✓LEARN TO LOVE+APPRECIATE YOUR THESIS. FIND PEACE. I am not going to lie. For the longest time, and it’s not uncommon among my peers either, I HATED my thesis while I was working on it. I was getting shittiest marks I’ve ever gotten since 1st to first half of 2nd year. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to pass thesis class. Debated whether I should have dropped it when I had the chance to focus on thesis solely for a 5th year. But now that I am finished, had my grad-show, and lived without it for a few months— I can say that I do like the work I’ve created. Sure, stylistically I want to venture off to something I should have pushed initially going into thesis. But all in all, It happened. It got noticed by a select number of people. And it’s gotten me some work for 2019!

  10. ✓ FIND A NEW PART TIME JOB: I used to work in Toronto’s biggest shopping mall. The mall retail scene was starting to make me feel jaded and whatever charm/benefits it had in the beginning was changing. I now work at a little local shop that I’ve loved to visit since I was in High School! The pace and vibe is more up my alley. They pay isn’t as great as the old job, but I’d trade it over the stress.

  11. DO A MURAL OF SOME SORT: I accidentally crossed it out, meaning to cross the one above it, but I didn’t do a mural this year! And it’s something I still want to keep my eye on doing.

  12. ✓ A FUNCTIONAL WEBSITE LIVE. BLOG MORE! YES! During this last note, I would like to thank you for reading this far. I’ve always wanted my have my own website and I’m excited to add more things to it. And blog more.

I haven’t made a solid list of goals for 2019 yet / decided what I even want for myself this year. But see you in the next one when I do!

22

Don't let my baby-faced and youthful exterior fool you, I've just turned 22 on April 1st.  Sorry if a certain line of Taylor Swift infiltrated your mind, she's been around for the whole weekend for me too. 

Lavender from Crown Flora Studios from Ethan

Lavender from Crown Flora Studios from Ethan

 

I've felt rattled ever since the day I turned 20 because while 18 is technically the legal age of being an adult, 20 just seems like the real adult age. They still treat you like a child at 18 for the most part. I've never liked the idea of growing older, even though it's a privilege robbed of others too soon. But every time I feel a weird heart beat, throbbing pain in my wrists, numbness in my fingers to the elbow, pain in my back and shoulders, and the list goes on--I can't help but wonder why I'm having what I can only assume are first signs to bigger problems. I can't imagine the invisible internal stuff I haven't felt yet. Sometimes I wonder why my soul chose such a weak physical vessel to settle in. But then I remind myself I've made it this way with my choices...

22 is going to be a big year.  I can feel it like a sailor who squints at the horizon and up at the distant clouds and knows something will happen. Graduation exhibition, graduation, a month and a half of travelling, then a life without school-- and then what? I've made a list of goals for 2018.

 

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Maybe I'm trying to put those goals out there so that I can be accountable for them. Anyway, onwards in life another year older. Hopefully, another year wiser.